My biggest learning as a people development specialist

Confidence is king

I recently played golf with a friend, and for the first seven holes he kept telling me how bad his putting was. On the eighth tee, I turned and faced him and said, “One of the best quotes I ever heard during my accreditation as a personal coach, ‘If you think you can do it, or if you think you cannot do it … you will most probably be right!’” I went on, “Your putting technique is excellent, smooth straight takeaway and follow through, and your head and body stay super still … but it is not what I think, it is what you think!”

From hole eight through to 18, he was a totally different person. He started sinking one putt after another, his confidence and belief grew, and with each sunk putt he started to shout, “See, I am a great putter!” 😊 Confidence is king!

People rarely rise above the opinion of themselves

I have and am privileged to have worked with many intelligent, well educated, successful people. Even though these people have the talent and total package, in my 22+ years of working experience, coaching and training, I have noticed that many of them still suffer a lack of confidence to do what they want. I often hear their ‘inner voices’ (saboteurs) telling them, “I am not good enough/I am not worth it/I cannot do it!”… and because of that they think they cannot do things, and ultimately they don’t.

I know this very well as I battled it myself for most of my life. As Peter Sage rightly said in his TEDx Talk, “People rarely rise above the opinion of themselves!”

Why do we keep ourselves ‘small’?

When we are babies and toddlers, we just try things and through trial and error we learn what works. When we do things that work, that builds confidence, and a self-fulfilling cycle is created.

As we get older, we become aware of others and what they think of us. On a basic primal level, most people just want to be accepted and get positive attention from those around them. This want can in turn create an unconscious reaction to avoid making mistakes or doing things wrong, so instead we ‘keep it safe’ by (telling ourselves) not pushing ourselves. This voice in our head, or ‘I cannot do it’ mindset hinders us from accessing and unleashing our full potential as human beings.

How to build confidence

So, confidence is king, and when we have it we dare more to try and do things … the question then is how do we build it?

It starts with reframing our thinking to a mindset of ‘I can do it’. Keep in mind that what we think, triggers what we feel, and it is our emotions and feelings that drive behaviour and performance. Do you see the glass half full or half empty … because what you think will have an impact on how you do things. Remember too, “People are always at choice. They may not always be able to choose their circumstances, but they can always choose how to view them.” (Karen Kimsey-House, CEO CTI)

With a ‘I can do it’ mindset in place, next is to just give things a go and try – or as Nike says, “Just do it!” From trying things, we might not always get them first-time right, but with perseverance we will definitely get successes, and when that happens, we fuel our confidence and belief that we can do it … and this starts a self-fulfilling cycle. Confidence is king!

My mantra for my dyslexic children

On a final note, I share something that I do with my dyslexic children Jesse an Caye.

They faced constant daily struggles with their reading throughout their primary school years. For six long years they felt ‘dumb’, with the consequence of their confidence plummeting. There was (and still is) a ‘I cannot do it’ mindset which kept them small and lost them a few opportunities.

The good news is that as humans, they will naturally adjust and I know they will be hugely successful and happy in life. Until then, I try to support their framing with the mantra below (to nudge them to try, get some successes, and slowly but surely build their confidence that ‘I can do it’):

1.     Always give it a go

2.     Always believe you can do it

3.     Always try your best

4.     Do not worry what others think of you

5.     Never give up (and especially on yourself)

Remember … confidence is king, so just give it a go and build it!